Decisions

I never thought I would ever find my dream job; everything I ever wanted, exactly what I went to school to become, loving every day because of having the perfect job...but I did! I found the job that I was so excited to get started on; the job that I moved away from my comfort zone, family, friends, home, to go and do well at. This job was full of the best women I have ever met. They were so full of support, kindness, and generosity; I felt like I had joined more of a family then a professional working environment. However, my little girl had a different feeling about our new life..My beautiful, happy, full of life little girl was deteriorating...She no longer wanted to play. She was always tired and began to not have an appetite. At night she would cry herself to sleep, wake up crying during all hours of the night, and when morning came she would continue to cry. Everyone would tell me day after day that, she is young and will adjust sooner or later. But for me I didn't know how long the adjustment process would last and if it was worth it to watch her go through this. 

I feel that when I decided to become a mother, of course becoming a mother is always a woman's choice; however, when I made that choice I took a oath to my daughter and I promised to protect her, love her, care for her, and provide her with a happy, healthy life. Ever since I was given this beautiful blessing I have changed every aspect of my life. I have changed who I was socially, I changed my focus on life, as well as my professional career path. All of these changes were made with the intention to provide the happiest life I could for my daughter.

The past few weeks have been extremely hard for me. When I found this job, I thought I was doing the absolute best that I could for my daughter and I by taking it. I was moving us to a nice friendly town, she was going to be closer to her dad, I found her a great baby sitter, and of course I had my dream job...as things began to unfold and everything began to fall apart (I will  not be giving all of our personal issues and details on here but...) I had to step back and look at what really truly mattered to us (my daughter and I) as a family. So I had to make the choice; we left our new town and moved back to our home. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, mostly because I was giving up something that seemed so perfect for me..However, to look a my daughter now, and lay down with her as she falls asleep just to see her smile before shutting her big brown eyes to fall asleep, I feel her happiness beginning to grow again. My little angel is growing back into the happy, fun, full of life little girl she is; and this makes my extremely hard decision so easy to accept and so very worth it.

Becoming a mommy is what I feel I was destined to become. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I now have found an amazing job here in this small friendly town and not only will I enjoy the work I do; but I feel at peace knowing my daughter is so happy with the decision I made to bring her back. Being a mommy comes with crazy hard decisions..but in the end, when the right choice is made everything feels right :)